I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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