your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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