My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
