You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
