well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!