you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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