I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
