I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
