Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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