i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
