remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How does one acquire holy water?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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