remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
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I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you made out with another girl for some wings
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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