when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
