The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
