i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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