you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
