I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
