I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
