New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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