with your own penis?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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