At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
