This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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