The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
