my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize