he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
