Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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