You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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