Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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