Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
