Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
