i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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