Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
