i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
