I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Someone signed my nipple.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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