yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
