Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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