Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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