and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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