I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
