Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
