Buhtt sex?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
