Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
