So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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