Porn is love you can see.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
