also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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