Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
