yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
