I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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