He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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