Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize