Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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