No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
