I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
