I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
