The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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