I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
