hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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