The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
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Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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