I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I won't apologize to a one balled man
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
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My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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