Are we in a gay sports bar?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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