Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
