gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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