4 words: hood of his car
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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