....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
